Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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