Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my vagina is haunted
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
