My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
