dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
