New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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