I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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