Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
