Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
