You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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