Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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