just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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