lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
