Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
