u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
