When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
