he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
