uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
