the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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