The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
