erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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