paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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