even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
