i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
