I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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