I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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