Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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