Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
