Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.