i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
