So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.