im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.