shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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