I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize