Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
