I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
