i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
