you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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