A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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