I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
