So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
