it was like eating out sand paper
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
