Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
