So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
only if we run a train.
done.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
