Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
