The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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