Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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