I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
