If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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