So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
