I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
