she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
