So drunk its hurt
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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