Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
