I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
