3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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