I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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