I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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