I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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