Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
