I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
