When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
