I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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